I got an invite through my friend German to do the Andy Dick show, His cousin Nicola works in the booking (I am assuming it is the booking, but the job appears to be more complicated than simply arranging guests) and thought I would be a nice fit to discuss autism and the current situation as it exists for my family. In a case of unintentional genius, or probable miscue- I misunderstood and thought that Nicola wanted me to bring the whole band. Over the course of the next two days I worked on figuring out what we needed to do to have a live set for the show, and when it was all said and done, we managed to actually pull off playing 4 songs streamed on a live internet show.
To the casual observer, of which I freely admit to being, Andy Dick is a comedian that has hit rough times in his professional and personal lives. He has been living in a modified shed, working a sobriety situation, and trying to maintain a professional career that has been sidelined in recent years by behavior that has annoyed, infuriated, and offended a number of people. If your bread and water is built on a professional life where making and maintaining professional connections is critical, you can quickly find yourself without any bread, and dumped into the water. It's a rough trade.
Now, as always, differentiating between the reality tv bullshit, from the reality of life bullshit is oft times a blurry, fuzzy mess. The determination of truth (understanding, comprehension, whatever you want to call it) for someone like me is always a series of code, miscues and misunderstanding, and total confusion. I am naive, I over-think things, and I have a core belief in the good that exists in every human being. Placing me into a room full of comedians and actors can be a quandary of confusion for me. At my core I lack some of the fundamentals of what is called Theory of Mind- the theory postulated by Simon Baron-Cohen (yes, he is related to the comedian Sascha Baron Cohen; they are cousins) which essentially means that I have difficulty code breaking the intentions of others. It is common among people with autism and Asperger's syndrome. It is also a trait I recognize in myself. It is also one that gets me into the most difficult of social situations and awkwardness.
I have believe that at the root of most comedy is a serious dose of anger fueled at the core by optimism- the inner belief that things can and will get better- and that comedy is essentially the last cry of the marginalized and disenfranchised part of the human soul. At the root of it all is a very bitter pill, and bitter pills are either hard to swallow, or the vestige of something better to come.
Comedians, however, are a mystery to me- I mean, I really do like to laugh- but actors and comedians can code switch in ways that are foreign to my understanding. I simply lack the wiring to crack the codes that they navigate so quickly and dynamically. For a person like me, to drop into a situations generated and fueled by a myriad of talented comedians is like dropping an egg from a very tall building. If it is cushioned, prepared, and adjusted for impact, it might just weather the fall and fail to crack completely. I was ill prepared, but I was there with five of my friends, and an interested ally- and they were all there to help me share- at least for a moment, what happened to my son (see theebrandenburgs.blogpot for more on that.) In any event, to appear on a live, off the cuff, sketch-talk show.
I realized almost immediately that we were going to be missing part of the necessary tools for a live performance. The vocals were feeding directly into a board so that they were heard through the internet channel- but there was no monitor or p.a. for the vocals. The staff of the show were working to find something to help, but we assured them it would be OK, and that we can make it work. For anyone reading this who doesn't already know, Rule #1 is to treat people with respect and dignity, and rule #2 is to always assume that people are trying their best to help, and so, refer to rule #1. The bottom line, rule #3, everyone has the desire for a successful outcome and are working with you, not against you. The crew was great, and it felt great. When it came to the rock, we delivered what we knew how to do. We may not be a culturally significant act like Lady Gaga, but we are veteranos, and we can rock your ass off in a garage with a single microphone and 40 of your pals just as easily as we can with a serious stage production and 5000 of your closest chicken mcbuddies.
In any event, I left the show yesterday believing a few things. I realized that comedians, much like musicians, have to work a club circuit that is fueled by the selling of booze, and for comedians that means they have to have a position on the use of alcohol- just like musicians do. It is a drag to realize this is a core requirement, especially if alcohol can't be one of your vitamins. That means that you have to, essentially, dance uncomfortably around a room that has temptation, desire, and relief in every corner. If you are able to dance through it comfortably, you still have the core philosophical and existential dichotomy- the knowledge that you rely on alcohol for your bread, countered by the knowledge that you are pushing poison to others through performance, advertising, or whatever. The clincher is that if you indulge you may as well kiss your meager gains goodbye- and that is a drag. Alcohol cannot be a part of my life, and yet, like food, it has to be.
I also left the show yesterday with the conviction that relationships are critical to our collective strength, and that without that collective strength, we are individually doomed to make the same mistakes again, and again. We have to be able to call out our friends- even if they are our bosses- and we have to be able to do it in direct, non-confrontational, but caring ways. That doesn't mean that they will respond- but it does mean that we should be able to do so without fear of reprisal or retaliation. This is not to snitch on one another, but it is to console, support, and remember who we are and why we are here, there, or anywhere.
