Step 1- Find a place to park the car.
At about 10 AM the previous day, I got lucky and found a spot facing the parade route, right behind this rv. The idea next year will be to park in front of the tall vehicle. In order to be able to sit in my car and watch the parade from the comfort of my lazy seat, or to sit on the roof and watch, will require that I try to not have big disruptions in the way. Hey, hey, hey. On the upside was that the large vehicle worked as a sound barrier to the rest of the environmental noise that lasts until about 3 AM. After parking my car, I scoped out the area. Located: portable bathrooms (one block away), local 24 hour diner (six blocks away), and Mexican food joint for a quick order of huevos rancheros and black coffee to satiate my immediate needs. Call Mary to pick me up, and begin packing necessities for the night of the big party- the one we would sleep through, of course. If you pack correctly- sleeping bags, gatorade, mini DVD player, candy, cell phone, DS games, newspaper, flashlights..... then leaving for 12 hours and not worrying about it anymore is no big deal.
Step 2- Establish an Escape Route.
Almost as important as determining a sleep space is determining a plan to get the hell out of that zoo. After 6PM a lot of the streets get shut down to traffic, and knowing how to get out of the parade madness require a basic knowledge of Pasadena and how to stay the hell off of the parade route- which means all of its street closures. I figured out how to get around the worst of them and get to the freeway to cut off the madness at its knees. Once that was determined I knew there wasn't going to be the inevitable feeling of entrapment one feels when being held hostage by an event such as this. Think of the dilemma you have at a festival concert- you are ready to bail, but there is no way to get to the car, let alone how to get the car out of the parking lot. Anyone who has gone to the Greek Theater knows exactly what I am talking about.....
Step 3- Kill time at home & go back around midnight
This is a pretty significant step if you don't want to completely lose your mind...... Unless you enjoy inhaling barbecue smoke and interacting with inebriated revelers for hours on end, go off somewhere else and check back in significantly later. You'll get to spend plenty of time with the party people in the morning when they are tired, cranky, and hung over. You can enjoy watching them fight later. Tape paper up on the windows and block them out completely, then hunker down and enjoy eating licorice and drinking soda pop, preferably grape. Don't forget the Gatorade bottles.......
Step 4- Turn on the DVD Player
Voila! Instant drive-in theater!!!! It's now dark, you have blocked most of the outside interference, and you can go to sleep laughing at Spongebob- instead of laughing at the guy puking outside of your car. You won't need an alarm, one of the stealth fighter jets that the Iranians didn't capture yet will go blasting overhead at 8AM, signaling the beginning of the parade. If you are parked down the parade route, you should have a good half hour to kill. You can go park your lawn chairs on the route- you will bee about five people deep, but who needs to sit in the front- or you can just go back to sleep. Parades last forever and a day, and missing most of it may be desirable in the first place.
Step 5- Skip the parade altogether and go to Denny's.
It's not where you go- it's where you end up! Besides the obvious- Denny's bathrooms smell less offensive than the portable toilets on the parade route- and they have sinks to wash your hands in (every ocd hand washer's dream). Denny's is also empty enough to actually sit down, quickly be served, and leisurely loaf and eat at. Why? Well, most of the world is at the parade and Denny's is four blocks off the route...... So, sit back, and relax. Enjoy some more down time, and feast on the usual junk while everyone else tries to figure out how to watch the parade. The clientele at this particular Denny's is particularly interesting 24/7 (I go there enough to say so) and they might even be more fun to talk to than the people at the parade. Parades are silly, anyway. The real fun is hanging out with your friends and family.
Step 6- Watch some of the fiasco.
Yeah, it is kinda cool to actually see some of the parade, especially the floats. They are huge, so there is really not a bad vantage point unless you can't see over the person in front of you. Step back to a good shaded area and let everyone else fight to be in the sunny areas up front. You'll see fine, and you won't get sunburned. The whole vibe is charged and loud, vendors selling stupid crap, guys blowing those annoying horns off, kids running around, police everywhere, etc. If you're like me you'll short circuit and join the walking dead. If you remembered to scope out the escape route, getting around the congestion is easy...... walk to the parallel streets behind the route and cut up through intersections and alleys. The police will let you cross the parade at the bigger intersections.
Step 7- Admit it's a bust- and bail.
Chances are good that you'll poop out quick, I do every single time. Recognize when it's time to split, As you may sense, we were over it after about 45 minutes of human interaction- it is a lot of people- literally hundreds of thousands- and it is way more insane than Disneyland. It's like Disneyland on steroids. We bailed, used the escape route- hit the freeway, and were out of the madness within five minutes- sanity intact, and stoked. We did the parade experience, and managed to do it within a budget of- dig it- $30, most of which was at Denny's. Happy New Year.
Step 4- Turn on the DVD Player
Voila! Instant drive-in theater!!!! It's now dark, you have blocked most of the outside interference, and you can go to sleep laughing at Spongebob- instead of laughing at the guy puking outside of your car. You won't need an alarm, one of the stealth fighter jets that the Iranians didn't capture yet will go blasting overhead at 8AM, signaling the beginning of the parade. If you are parked down the parade route, you should have a good half hour to kill. You can go park your lawn chairs on the route- you will bee about five people deep, but who needs to sit in the front- or you can just go back to sleep. Parades last forever and a day, and missing most of it may be desirable in the first place.
Step 5- Skip the parade altogether and go to Denny's.It's not where you go- it's where you end up! Besides the obvious- Denny's bathrooms smell less offensive than the portable toilets on the parade route- and they have sinks to wash your hands in (every ocd hand washer's dream). Denny's is also empty enough to actually sit down, quickly be served, and leisurely loaf and eat at. Why? Well, most of the world is at the parade and Denny's is four blocks off the route...... So, sit back, and relax. Enjoy some more down time, and feast on the usual junk while everyone else tries to figure out how to watch the parade. The clientele at this particular Denny's is particularly interesting 24/7 (I go there enough to say so) and they might even be more fun to talk to than the people at the parade. Parades are silly, anyway. The real fun is hanging out with your friends and family.
Step 6- Watch some of the fiasco.
Yeah, it is kinda cool to actually see some of the parade, especially the floats. They are huge, so there is really not a bad vantage point unless you can't see over the person in front of you. Step back to a good shaded area and let everyone else fight to be in the sunny areas up front. You'll see fine, and you won't get sunburned. The whole vibe is charged and loud, vendors selling stupid crap, guys blowing those annoying horns off, kids running around, police everywhere, etc. If you're like me you'll short circuit and join the walking dead. If you remembered to scope out the escape route, getting around the congestion is easy...... walk to the parallel streets behind the route and cut up through intersections and alleys. The police will let you cross the parade at the bigger intersections. 
Step 7- Admit it's a bust- and bail.
Chances are good that you'll poop out quick, I do every single time. Recognize when it's time to split, As you may sense, we were over it after about 45 minutes of human interaction- it is a lot of people- literally hundreds of thousands- and it is way more insane than Disneyland. It's like Disneyland on steroids. We bailed, used the escape route- hit the freeway, and were out of the madness within five minutes- sanity intact, and stoked. We did the parade experience, and managed to do it within a budget of- dig it- $30, most of which was at Denny's. Happy New Year.
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